You have had a lot of fun during the term and it's the exam time. For sure you don't have the slightest clue what are the questions about. However, remember to enjoy yourself even though you are sure you are going to fail the exam. Here are some tips :
1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "Oh
geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
3. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
4. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm so sure you can hear me thinking. " Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
5. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
6. Bring pets.
7. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
8. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas. "If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
9. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
10. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
11. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
12. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
13. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
14. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Forget this!" and walk out triumphantly.
15. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
16. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
17. Bring cheat sheets for another class (make sure this is obvious. . . like history notes for a calculus exam. . . otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
18. When you walk in, complain about the heat.
19. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
20. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
21. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.
22. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc. . . sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
23. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
24. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think. " Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".
25. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor
*** is a Terrible Teacher".
And finally , if there were any time left, consider studying for the next exam!
got Siew Yuk (Pork) some more with...
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