Frankly speaking...
I'm really REALLY sad...
I want to cry out loud for for god sake...
I had a terrible feeling on my family and friends...
Nobody cares about me...
No one does...
I'm being dissappointed by both friends and family by making my world so alone...
Totally alone...
This week had been a bad week for me...
Really bad week for me...
Terrible...
On Monday...
I had a rush assignment for Pengajian Malaysia. Really hectic and stressful. Then, when I think about my statistics, I'm really worried about statistics... I try my best to revise on it until I just had 4 hours sleep on that day...
On Tuesday...
I still rush to understand and complete my revision on statistics. Thank God that Irena help me through with some complications... Really she's been my angel for these few days...
But still what's happening to my friends? They are as if abandon me... Is it my fault? Did I do something wrong? I just keep my pace with them... Whenever they want me I'll be there and whenever they want to repel me, I will step aside and be alone... I don't want to rant or argue with them because I don't want to lose friends and make enemy...
All I ask is I need your supports, my dear friends...
On Wednesday...
Finally, I finish revising my Chapter 5 and feel confidence on the test on that day... Thanks again Irena for taking time helping a few tough questions... About my friends, I hope they can do well too but again, I was afraid to approach them as I don't know what's in their minds...
In the end, after the test, I was devastated with the questions... Totally a nightmare for me! During the exam, I remember Chapter 5 about testing the confidence intervals but my mind was blank on Chapter 6, hypothesis testing... Then, one of my friends said the OE table won't come out but in the end, it does... I wonder in future, should I trust the news or I trust my instinct... That part I don't care because I'm going to flunk my stats test (AGAIN) and I don't blame my friends for the news because it's not their fault too. I need to prepare for the worst like last year Calculus & Algebra...
That day, I was being scold by my group member as if I need them to adjust their time for me... Frankly speaking, I gave space for you all to choose and when you guys already set the time and venue, please don't change them or suddenly pop-up last minute announcement to me... It's hard for me to change my schedule and I'm very tired. Actually on that day, I really want to faint down after statistics class but I can control myself and take a short rest on that day. To Chea Lin, I'm not going to blame you for telling me the event on last minute. You are forgiven but please do not make the same mistake twice...
On Thursday & Friday...
I still carry on to work the statistics assignment with PHStat. Although my group members are not so familiar with that statistics program, I help them so we can finish the questions by the time... I hope that I can fulfill my task as a group member... I've put full effort on it...
Today...
I took a quite rest for the weekend and do some housechores before I leave Kampar... I'm alone and really I'm scared because tomorrow is Ching Ming (The Spirit Day For Chinese)... I come back to Ipoh and wait at Medan Kidd for my sister to pick me up... In Medan Kidd, I felt unease not because with people around me... I felt something spooky and I want to get out from that place... I had a harsh feeling that telling me to go home as soon as possible...
That time, my instinct keep telling me to go even my sister hasn't arrive. At last, she came with my mum (after they shopped at Jusco). When I enter her car, I sensed a cold feeling in my sister. Something isn't right when I hear her speak...
Then at home, my mum had a little argument with my sister. I wonder what's wrong with my sister as she's emoing with everyone and didn't speak a single word. I know she's mad on something but she won't tell me and my parents. My parents voice out said they are hurt and sad by her actions... That time, I felt my homecoming today won't be a nice one...
I attempt to ask her but she scold me instead. My heart really broken as I see my family in bad shape... I thought I can see the cheerful atmosphere in family whenever I'm back from Kampar but it went to the opposite way...
I cried while I write this blog and I still feel sad about myself... Why am I positioned in such situations where I need myself to be alone and selfish... I can't stand on my own anymore and I want to break out from everything.
So, why things happens so fast until I cannot catch up with them? I'm so tired, sad and devastate right now and I hope my God can give me a peace for me...
P.S.:
For my friends, after reading this post, I hope you guys can understand my problem and give me support. If you find that my sayings is totally wrong, just ignore it and don't keep it in your heart. Just think that I'm wrong about you all... Please, don't have the bad impression that I don't like to be friends with you. I'm not blaming or angry anyone but just I can't express my feelings and mood lately due to some problems...
